Monday, June 28, 2010

i have a million things to say

i felt a lil' over talkative tonight,
i think i have so much to say, so much in mind,
i couldn't lay them out bits by bits,
i wanna say it all out t.o.g.e.t.h.e.r. ....

came back home today, feeling a lil' more light-hearted than those of the other days at work,
i think am starting to get rid of the piles of unfinished works, but i couldn't think straight now and i hope that isn't an illusion. or it could be the boss on the travel? maybe...

facebook. checked.
LeLove. checked.
gmail. checked.
Jnb's Parloir. checked & now am stuck with his lomo photos and his playlist. i have a sudden urge to travel, without plans, without companions, just me, and my blank mind. and still, Boston is the place i wanna be.

right now. at this moment. i frankly hate looking at the updates on my facebook.
i randomly feel like hating someone. don't worry. this isn't going to last longer than a few minutes. i miss road trips. i miss being the only girl on the trip, i miss lady-first hahaha...

i miss being surrounded by darkness and a whole piece of sky with glittering stars, i feel the earth is round and i laid beside the stars...

i miss saying hi to strangers, i miss chasing trains, not the part that i got myself a 100 bucks fine.

am taking a break. and no one is supposed to stop me from doing that =)

BAH !!!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

a toast to all the workaholics i've known in life.

- "the-end" is just an illusion -
so stop working, and facebook now hahaha !!!
Just back from work, packed everything nicely into my
huge-heavy-almost-stuffed-to-death-KPMG-bag before I
went outta office, only to realise that I forgot to bring it back
when I reach home. So funny I declared myself a holiday tonight.
Still feeling guilty for enjoying this much-needed break even
after 3-whole-months of endless schedules at work. I think
I am officially killing myself being a workaholic + a
perfectionist, a characteristic enough
to make you older quicker 。。。

Time passes real fast, I felt like I've worked all my life already,
when I've just started working for 3 months. Throughout these 3
months, I've stuffed, stretched, pulled, pushed, squeezed myself for
work, I really felt that it's been too much for me I had really decided
to give up many times in between. But, I told myself to stand further,
because I knew if I quit this time, I will quit forever. I'll always be looking
for a new environment, a new job everytime I felt this is hard. I knew this
would become a habit, a bad one. So, I chose to stand further. So, I wish
that one day I can really grow outta this shit and be different. But, it
really takes a lot of patience and faith to keep holding on. I cried
sometimes because all these had made cracks in my almost-
perfect relationship with my love one, but I am too strong
to give up both, or too weak to lose them. I felt words
are never enough to describe what I've been
through and what I fought within myself
ever since priorities have changed.

I don't hate my job,
I don't hate the stuffs am doing.
I just hate that there's
only 24 hours a day.

Have I grown into a different
person, or is this just me?

I miss reading LeLove all day,
I miss taking random pictures with my phone,
I miss food hunting with hubby & the beach strolls every weekends,
I miss editing pictures & changing the songs to my blog every once in a while,
and everyday I opened a new post, wanted to write something new but
I always end up in my excel worksheets trying to tally figures 。。。
I hadn't blog about my happy graduation at Perth, with the most
beautiful fireworks I've seen in my life, and all the greatest
time I've spent with my family and hubby during their
trip to Perth for my graduation early this February.
I haven't even blog about my lovely new room.
Hubby said I need a new lifestyle, or I'll die
working like this one day 。。。
I don't wanna 。。。

I have the best bf/bff/hubby in the world,
he sent me home-cooked dinner at my office before
he went to a wedding today. I smiled and felt so sweet
when I found a set of fork & spoon nicely wrapped in a
transparent, plastic bag, a facial tissue from guardian,
a box of nicely-cut apples & oranges, a rice box filled
with yummy steamed pork & vege and of
course, a Yeo's green tea !!!
He's right, he's changed a lot for me.
I used to do all that, but I've started to forgot all
the little details and he took over. He folded my dividers,
swept my floor, fixed my laptop, buy me sunflowers, and still
I bring it up to him with my temper when I can't resolve my works.
I realize how unfair this is, right now. He is always the caring one.
Maybe what I've always been missing is the 'balance'.
I need a new lifestyle, or maybe just stop being
this stubborn girl trying to be she-
Keep faith.